Another scary headline in the news this week: Nearly one million mortgage holders experiencing “mortgage stress”

But when you read more into the stats, things aren’t nearly as bad as they may seem. Mortgage Stress

Over the last 12 months there has been a decrease in the estimated number of mortgage holders considered to be ‘At Risk’  and those ‘Extremely at Risk’ .

New research from Roy Morgan using a formula that takes into account household income, costs, and mortgage repayments classifies 20.8% (949,000) of mortgage holders as in ‘mortgage stress’.

Despite this being a marginal improvement from 12 months ago when it was 21.3% (974,000), the current level remains high and would present difficulties if there were an increase in mortgage rates an increase in costs or an increase in unemployment.

But here’s what most commentators are forgetting…

With the economy being sluggish, property values falling, minimal or no wage growth and a federal election around the corner, there is no reason for the RBA to raise interest rates in the near future, or in fact in the medium term.  


And as for rising unemployment, we’re creating more jobs then we ever have – so that should be an issue leading to mortgage stress.

Clearly a number of households have extended themselves  financially, but there are very few households in mortgage arrears – which is different from the above definition of stress.

The main location experiencing mortgage arrears is regional Western Australia – remember those old mining towns?

But when you read about Mortgage Stress that’s different thing to not being able to pay your mortgage, it’s a reflection of the percentage of your income required to pay your  mortgage payments.  but we know Australians will do anything to hang onto their home –  they would rather eat dog food than give their home’s back to the bank.

Decrease in ‘At Risk’ and ‘Extremely at Risk’ mortgage holders

Roy Morgan report that over the last 12 months there has been a decrease in the estimated number of mortgage holders considered to be ‘At Risk’  and those ‘Extremely at Risk’ .

In the three months to August 2017, 21.3% of mortgage holders were ‘At Risk’ (974,000), this has decreased to 20.8% (949,000) in August 2018.

Over the same period the proportion that were ‘Extremely at Risk’ also decreased from 14.9% (658,000) to 13.5% (596,000), a very significant drop of 62,000 or 9.4%.

Mortgage Stress – Owner Occupied Mortgage Holders

Source: Roy Morgan Single Source (Australia), 3 months to August 2017, n = 12,778 and 3 months to August 2018, n = 12,914. Base: Australians 14+ with owner occupied home loan, 3 months to August 2017, n = 2,690 and 3 months to August 2018, n = 2,541.

Mortgage risk higher in Sydney and Western Australia

Analysing mortgage stress across Australia shows levels of mortgage stress vary extraordinarily across Australia with higher levels of ‘At Risk’ areas including Sydney residents (26.4%) and those in Western Australia (23.8%) above the overall market average of 20.8%.

Norman Morris, Industry Communications Director, Roy Morgan Research says:

“Our research shows that although fewer people have a home loan compared to 12 months ago, the average balance of their loans hasn’t declined. This indicates that loans aren’t being paid off quickly, potentially as a result of low interest rates and the use of redraw facilities to use funds for other purposes. Emotional Stress, Bankruptcy, Finance.

“The decline in the level of mortgage stress over the last 12 months is due to a marginal increase in the after tax household income as a result of reduced tax rates and a small reduction in the average standard variable rate from the RBA.

“With the potential for a number of major events to impact mortgage stress levels, such as the Finance Royal Commission, interest rates and declining home prices, the future direction of mortgage stress has considerable uncertainty.

“When rates eventually rise, existing mortgage holders who have borrowed in a low interest rate environment are likely to face increased levels of mortgage stress. The final impact however will also be determined by what happens to household incomes, which are currently showing very modest growth.

“To understand more about mortgages in the full context of household finances, ask Roy Morgan.”

For a moment I considered this blog post to be poorly timed since it’s the season to be jolly, and the last thing I want to do is kill the mood. Merry Christmas everyone.

But then. I changed my mind. Perhaps the deeper-thinkers will appreciate the profound irony of discussing death during the time many celebrate the birth of baby Jesus! The circle of life.

My reluctant need to organise a Will & Testament

So, even though I’m in my early 20’s early 30’s, which by all intents and purposes is young for an impeccably healthy individual (minus a dodgy finger, but more on that shortly) to be fluttering around the idea of death, it does seem like the sensible move considering I do own appreciating ‘assets’, and even the optimist in me isn’t deluded enough to deny the possibility of tripping over my obscenely gigantic pecker and knocking my lights out. What a way to go.

From what I understand, the Grim Reaper does not discriminate and has no conception of time. Regardless of age, race, gender, faith, or penis size – and even if your faith allows you to be reborn as a cactus – one thing is for sure, when it happens we won’t be carrying over the junk we’ve accumulated in this life to the next.

As amusing as it would be to do a disappearing act before creating a blueprint of how I want my assets distributed, so I can appear down on the self-appointed beneficiaries squabble over my life’s work, I think it will probably do more harm than good, especially since ‘the law’ gets to dictate who gets what if I don’t do it myself. Yeah, fuck that.

However, even while fully understanding and respecting the reality of uncompromising death, I’ve always been reluctant to plan for it. Planning for it feels like bad karma, and almost like I’d be jinxing myself into an early grave. But putting the Voodoo crap aside, I’ve also been too lazy to get it sorted; arranging a meeting with a will expert/solicitor and leaving the comfort of my parents’ basement always felt terribly overwhelming. That said, apparently I’m not alone, because I’m told seven out of ten landlords don’t prepare Wills and a whooping 97% of Brits don’t have a will or have one that’s outdated, which is thoroughly comforting. Communal failure is so much easier to accept, ain’t it?

Long story short, for the past few years I’ve been prioritising everything else before thinking about what happens ‘after’.

Why I suddenly decided to get my will sorted…

Part A

One of my mate’s is ‘one of those’ Marketing guys; he exclusively deals with digital companies, and promises them the world:

TRUST ME, I’ll get you a thousand new customers by sunlight. You’ll be retired on a yacht by next year! Picture yourself swimming in money and tits… Can you see it? Can you feel it? That’s my promise to you!


Hook line and sinker.

A couple of weeks ago he was informing me about a new client he had reeled in, Farewill, and they, lo and behold, allow you to create ‘professional’ Wills online for £90.

For the first time [for totally selfish reasons], I found myself interested in his work. I didn’t really consider the grand possibility of creating a will online (not to be confused with generic downloadable templates) while remaining glued to my seat by the congealed remains of kebab grease and cheese-puff residue, but I’m not terribly surprised it’s possible considering I order toothpaste and toilet roll off Amazon.

Apparently a ‘typical lawyer’ charges a ‘one time’ fee of anywhere between £200 – £500 for a similar service, plus, however much you value the inconvenience of leaving your home to fulfil a rewardless ‘chore’.

My interest has been perked.

Part B

Perhaps this is how I was finally convinced.

Dislocated finger

My near death experience (genuine pic).

Ok, so now, back onto my mutilated pinky.

Before you all FREAK OUT, I’m fine.

Well, actually, let’s just say I survived. I might technically be ‘fine’ after PTSD counselling.

Last week I had a near-death experience when I stubbed my beautiful little finger on a basketball during a friendly game, which caused it to buckle and dislocate. The experience profoundly made me realise how fragile I am life is. And wonderful. I had two nurses yank my bone back into place.

Life is so precious, isn’t it?

I hate to be a cliché cheeseball, but I’ve discovered a new found respect for life.

If my recent toe-curling and heart-breaking experience wasn’t a utterly terrifying reminder of how we are all vulnerable – even those in peak physical condition – then I don’t know what is. I mean, just look at my pinky (if you don’t mind looking at a war-torn severed body, that is)!!!

My poor finger is a bloody catastrophe. Your prayers would be appreciated.

So, two very telling events all pointing in the same direction…

Will and Testament sorted

After years of side-stepping and procrastinating, I finally did it. I don’t know what all the fuss was about…

Approximately an hour ago I jumped onto the Farewill website and sorted out my Will. It was pretty effortless. Actually, it almost felt too effortless considering the magnitude of death, but I’ve been assured it’s legit. But then again, technically you can write your own will on your own ass, and stuff it into a shoebox and slide it under your bed until it’s required. As long as it’s signed and witnessed, that’s one legally binding ass.

Disclaimer: Wills are legal documents, and as small errors can cause big problems, it’s preferable to have someone legally qualified draft it for you. Even if it’s on your flesh.

Why am I sharing this?

A lot of my ‘financial assets’ is accounted for by my BTL properties (but not exclusively), and I imagine that’s the case for many of you slumlords also. We all need to eventually decide who we want to curse with our bullshit BTL’s.

In all seriousness, I don’t know if I would laugh or cry if I inherited a BTL. It’s like donating a pair of jeans that’s filled with skid-marks to the homeless.

Anyways, I’m assuming many of you are uglier and older than me, so you’ve probably already made suitable reservations. But for everyone else, which includes the seven out of ten landlords that statistically hasn’t got round to it (for whatever reason), maybe this is the ticket you’ve been waiting for, so I thought I’d share my thoughts on using Farewill’s online will service.

More about FareWill (and other online will companies)

A few points that I’d like to share, just in case you happen to be intrigued…

  • Online will companies: I did come across a few online will companies after a few quick Google searches, so I don’t want you to think I’m veering you into one dirty little corner. So go ahead, shop around if you’re interested. But in all honesty, Farewill looked the best to me.
  • Will sample: here’s a sample Will from FareWill.
  • Cost: Farewill’s pricing structure: “Your professional will for £90 (or £135 for a couple). Updatable anytime for £10/year.”

    “£10/year” updateable fee”.. errr..? Exactly! It confused the crap out of me also, so I did some investigating.

    After creating and paying for your will, they automatically sign you into an annual subscription of £10 per year, which permits you to make as many updates as you need. You can cancel any time (easily via your personal control panel), but then you’ll have to pay the amount again if you wish to make changes in the future. Your first year of updates is free, so diarise if you want to cancel before the subscription fees kick in.

    The update subscription does make sense for those with frequently changing circumstances, for example, anyone that’s growing their property portfolio and/or often transferring money into different banks/savings accounts to benefit from better rates.

    Anyways, I paid the £90 for a single will (I didn’t get any special rate from my bone-head friend even though he does their marketing, which is something I kept in mind while cobbling together my will. He’ll get the jeans I mentioned earlier).

  • Time taken: On the tin it says it takes about 15mins. They’re not lying.
  • Interface: This is what I really liked about Farewill- they’ve made it so incredibly easy to create a will. I’m not exaggerating when I say that even if you’re the type of person that farts on demand and scratches your balls with a fork, you should still have the mental capacity to follow the process.
  • Process:
    • 1. Fill in your personal details.
    • 2. Fill in details of those you want to inherit your state (money, property and anything else you wish to specifically allocate)
    • 3. Define how you want the estate to be split (by percent).
    • 4. Define what happens in the event of your beneficiaries dying before you.
    • 5. Define Executors of the Will.
    • 6. Define your ‘Financial Assets’. Interestingly, they didn’t have a real estate/property option, so threw my properties under “other” and listed the addresses.
    • 7. Check details.
    • 8. Pay £90 for a single will (or £135 for a couple).
    • 9. Wait for confirmation email from Farewill stipulating that everything is in order with your will (every will is double-checked by one of their experts). Sidenote, my confirmation email landed up in my spam/junk folder.
    • 10. Print the will and get it signed & witnessed.
  • Support / Expert advice: They have live chat and phone support, but I didn’t take advantage.
  • TrustPilot: I’m a TrustPilot fiend! Even if I was looking for someone to wipe my cat’s ass, I’d hunt down TrustPilot reviews to ensure I was using someone that deploys the best and most gentle techniques! At the time of writing this blog post, FareWill have a rating of 9.6 /10, which ain’t bad by anyone’s standards. Check it.
  • Solicitor / Financial advisers: When I was explaining this online will gig to a [well-off] friend, he said that he liked creating his will with his specialist Solicitor face-to-face, because he was advised to reconsider certain choices after being explained legal technicalities. I guess that’s the trade-off.

    However, I took a few things into consideration while choosing to go down the online route. Firstly, my circumstances are bog-standard; there’s nothing obscure or hairy about it. If I had a more complicated situation (i.e. complicated estate, kids from another marriage, manipulative blood-sucking ex-wife, a bastard son that I wanted to compensate etc.), I may have thrown on a suit and reluctantly sailed down the face-to-face Solicitor route.

    Secondly, I haven’t ruled out the fact that this will may end up being a “for now” and “better than nothing” solution. If my situation changes I may end up groveling to a snotty solicitor so I can be properly advised through each asset (and pay through the ass for it, I’m sure).

    To quote FareWill’s FAQ page,

    Wills aren’t actually too complex it turns out, so it baffles us that they usually cost so much. We keep things simple and to a high standard, so £90 it is.

    I like it.

  • Inheritance tax: Yeah, you see, I just don’t know about how any of that works, and this is where colluding with a tax specialist may help at some point. Ultimately, I don’t want to burden anyone with tax bills, but I’m not sure I should be overly concerned since my beneficiaries will be getting a house or two for fuck-all.

    However, what I do know is that the law demands 40% tax on any assets worth over £325,000 that you leave, so those valuable houses could cost your beneficiaries a small fortune. One way to reduce or completely avoid the burden of inheritance tax is by giving your assets away before you die (it works on a sliding scale, between 3- 7 years). More details on the GOV website.

    In any case, the tax implications is an issue for another rainy day. Maybe decade.

If anyone’s interested, here’s a link to Farewill (which I promised my mate I’d share in an obnoxious fashion)…

Check out Farewill →

What happens if you don’t leave a will?

Oddly, I only looked into this AFTER I wrote mine. What a baffoon! I ‘spose anyone with half a brain would have done the research first (even though it wouldn’t have changed the outcome). In any case, here are the basics:

Dying without a valid will is called ‘intestacy’. Intestacy law is different in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, but there are some common rules:

  • Any Inheritance Tax that your estate/beneficiaries has to pay might be higher.
  • If you die with no living close relatives, your estate will be passed to the Crown. This law is known as ‘bona vacantia’.
  • If you’re not married and not in a civil partnership, your partner is not legally entitled to anything when you die.
  • If you have children or grandchildren, how much they are legally entitled to will depend on where you live in the UK. But if you make will, you can decide how much they each individually get.


To round off, if anyone does want to know more about wills, probate and inheritance, a good starting point is the Gov website.

Right, that’s me done.

If anyone decides to use Farewill or any other online will solution, please share your thoughts/experience!

Merry Christmas and seasons greetings everyone!!! Hope you all have an awesome break! See ya’ next ‘ear xoxo

P.s. I hope none of you die! Ever!

Hole in Wall & Blistering

Hello everyone 🙂

So, this is a tad risky.

There’s a terribly good chance my tenant is in the process of Googling his rights in order to build a defence for the D.I.Y disaster we’re currently grappling with, so the buffoon may just Google the relative keywords and land up on this page, and then put two and two together- realising he’s been thrown under the spotlight, and he’s the buffoon I’m actually referring to.

I sincerely hope that’s not how this all unravels, but if it does… GET OVER YOURSELF, I COULD BE TALKING ABOUT ANYONE! Why do you make everything about you?!?

The tale of… the weird shit on the walls!

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

Urgh! Bollocks! It’s my tenant (who I’m going to refer to as Travis for today). My stomach starts to sink…

Should I? Shouldn’t? I shouldn’t!

I, reluctantly, do…

Hi Travis, what’s up? [please don’t ruin my day]

Hi Landlord, there’s something wron…

*Day ruined*

…g with the walls

WHAT? What do you mean? What’s wrong with the walls?

Initial thoughts? I hope that whatever shit he’s done, please don’t let it be as stupid as I’m imagining right now.

I painted the walls and now there are bubbles everywhere. It looks like the house is suffering from a chicken-pox epidemic, and so far the causalities are the hallway and two of the bedrooms!

It’s officially stupider.

Hmm… strange. It sounds like the walls weren’t properly prepared. Who painted the walls?”

My dad’s friend, he’s a professional painter and decorator, so everything was done properly. He thinks it’s the actual walls that is causing the problem.

I don’t know him, but I hate him with a passion. Your dad, too.

Okay. I’ll pop by tomorrow to see it with my own petrified peepers.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

Hi Travis. Ok, let’s see the dam-ag…OOOOH, fuck me sideways and call me Sally! That looks worse than the acne on your mum’s face [and the colour you have chosen is bloody awful, you tasteless goofball].

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about (not an actual pic from the scene of the crime):

Blistering/bubbling walls

Bubbling walls

Imagine that crap smothering the hallway and two of the bedrooms 🙁

My friend’s dad said there is something wrong with the lining on the walls.

I doubt it, because the walls don’t have any lining [this “professional” of yours… don’t ‘spose you found him in a dumpster?]…


Are you sure it’s not due to the [shit] paint you used? Or [manky] paint rollers? Or something related to the preparation (or lack there of)? Or perhaps, limited ventilation after applying the paint? I’ve painted this entire house 3 times, top-to-bottom, side-to-side, hip-to-torso, ass-to-toe, and the walls have never contracted this weird anal-disease I see before me.

I used good quality paint. My dad’s mate (‘the pro’) said it was either the lining [which doesn’t exist] or a dampness issue.

*I touch and sniff the wall*

Err… there doesn’t seem to be any dampness. In any case, the walls were fine before you painted them, right?

Yes, they were.

For the lack of better words… Fuckity-fuck!!

At least with something like a broken toilet you largely know what you’re dealing with, but bubbling walls (also known as ‘blistering’), it’s just… I don’t know… messy.

What’s more annoying is that I had the entire house freshly painted before the turnip moved in. Why do people have to disrupt neutral colours?

The whole ‘making a property into a home’ malarkey is just a recipe for disaster when it’s more than psychological conditioning i.e. just allowing your body and mind adapt to the new environment.

Who’s responsible for this D.I.Y disaster?

Firstly, before anyone crawls into my dazzling afro and gets uppity about the superficial disdain I’m showing towards my shit-for-brains tenant, I just want to say that I like my tenant. He’s a good guy; I’ve never had any issues with him. And I still don’t. Whatever sickness is man-handling the walls is just ‘one of those things‘, albeit a highly unwanted and irritable little booger (which I’m confident my tenant is responsible for, and the reason for why my life is currently ruined). But despite my dramatised prima donna dialogue, I don’t really blame my tenant, entirely.

100 x *deep breathes*

Secondly, it wasn’t difficult to detect the fact the work wasn’t done by a professional. The remains of the workmanship (if you can call it that) could have only been left behind by someone superbly under qualified; patchy application of paint and clumsy spillages on the skirting boards, just to name a few of the tell-tale signs. Not to mention the shambolic misdiagnosis of the problem. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was looking at the result of the local nursery’s half-term art project.

My unprofessional diagnosis? When I walked into the house, the one thing that hit me like a tonne of vegetarian farts was a man-made heatwave. The house was heated up like an iguana tank. I suspect Travis, the buffoon, had painted the walls and allowed them to dry in his Mediterranean sweatbox, and that’s what caused the blistering. Or at least, it was one of the contributing variables. The heat certainly couldn’t have helped matters.

In any case, from my point of view, which I also believe is supported by law, is that my tenant is obligated to:

  • Repair or pay for any damage caused by them, their family or friends
  • Return the property in the same condition as it was received (minus wear and tear)

With that in mind, I’m inclined to believe that it’s my tenant’s responsibility to pulverise those ghastly boils into an oblivion, and not mine. I did articulate my position to Travis, and judging by his response, I think he felt his choices were limited. (IF YOU’RE READING THIS TRAVIS, THEY ARE LIMITED! So stop researching for escape routes!)

But that didn’t stop him from taking one last swipe before toppling over; he made the point that the problem could have been with the coat of paint which he painted over. Reluctant as I am to believe that steaming bullshit- sure, it could have been. But I highly doubted it.

I admired Madam’s fighting spirit nonetheless. Either way, his fearless efforts didn’t negate the fact that the property didn’t come infected with diseased walls, and the problem was given birth to after his intereference.

Sidenote: please God!! I sincerely hope I don’t get swamped by ‘Painting & Decorating’ boffins with erections, foaming around the mouth, ready to give me a full blown analysis on what caused the bubbles. I honestly don’t think I can take that!

Very interesting fact: the last time I talked about penises/erections in one of my blog posts, a very disgruntled reader unsubscribed from my blog, with the following comment, “stupid use of the word pecker and penis in the last blog – not necessary – goodbye”

I’m not too fond of losing subscribers, but I thought that was hilarious. Oh, and speaking of which, if you haven’t already subscribed to my newsletter, and you’re the type of person that wouldn’t mind receiving occasional reading material on landlord stuff and peckers- both flaccid and stiff- then feel free to sign up.


The reality is, Travis and I could have played the pointing game and surrendered to our primal instincts by slinging our own faeces at one another all day long. We could have even conducted some tests to determine where the truth lies. But it all seemed like a terrible waste of time. I just wanted to amicably resolve the problem as quickly as possible so I could return to picking my nose and procrastinating, and fortunately Travis felt the same.

I genuinely hate prolonging repairs, especially when they’re inevitable. I also feel uneasy knowing that my tenants are living in an environment which makes them feel uncomfortable, because that makes me feel iffy.

Resolving the problem

I feel it would have been effortless to stand firm and simply demand the old boy to shut his pie-hole and resolve the problem himself. The beauty with that game plan is that I’m not sure he would have had any recall (for the reasons mentioned). I’m also confident that many of the less wimpy hard-nosed landlords would have chosen that path. No judgement from me, I’m just saying.

Ultimately, I believe Travis was responsible for repairing the walls, so if he had refused responsibility, I would have felt comfortable deducting the costs from his deposit without facing too many problems. However, I took the following into consideration:

  • He’s a good tenant; he pays rent on time, he’s courteous, and generally doesn’t climb up my ass and cause a commotion.
  • I’d like to keep him as a long-term tenant.
  • The potential cost of throwing salt over the situation (which is trivial in the grand scheme of things), probably wouldn’t have been worth it.
  • It’s easy to build a defence from both sides, even if one case was remarkably more floppy than the other. But, it wasn’t a black and white scenario, like fist holes through the walls.
  • I’m a team player, so I prefer working together to resolve problems.
  • I’m a nice chap 🙂 Yes, really.

That was enough for me to be compromising, or at least, not utilise the full force I felt I had available at my disposal.

I ended up getting a few quotes from local handymen to determine how much it would be cost to remedy the widespread infection, because I’d be damned if I left it in the incapable hands of the local nursery and their stupid initiative arty-farty schemes again.

The general consensus was that the walls needed scraping and sanding down, cleaned with sugar soap, and then primed with latex, before a new coat could be applied. (Also, it was *most likely* my tenant’s fault).

Yup, a real slog of a job.

After gathering the quotes, I approached Travis with what I felt to be a fair proposition, which was to handle it like a modern day date: to split the bill. At least that way no one walks away feeling like they should have got laid after paying for both covers. A feeling I never wish to experience again.

Travis seemed happy to proceed (probably because he conceded to the fact that he’s lucky he didn’t have to foot the entire bill), and more importantly, I feel like we managed to keep our healthy and flourishing relationship intact. Although, I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if the Devil on his shoulder convinces him to feel like an underappreciated employee, and consequently piss in the kitchen sink from now on, and steal the bog-roll holder on the way out. Time will tell.

Final word on the matter

I guess, if my experience highlights one thing – other than the fact my doofus tenant is a liability – it’s that it’s always worth looking beyond the legal rights, because there are usually other practical factors in play that are more important.

From my point of view, the law rarely equates to ‘fair’ (regardless of which side you stand), and some times it’s wiser to be fair compared to getting away with what you can, legally speaking. But then again, I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if some of you ghastly rascals find my route to resolution completely absurd, and perhaps unfair.

Of course, each situation should be assessed by its own set of circumstances; some times it’s perfectly reasonable to make the tenant pay through their eyeballs to cover the cost of their own bumbling stupidity, and other times it’s just cool to work together.

What would you have done?

I’m hoping to open the comical floodgates with my next question: have you got any decorating disasters worth sharing? If so, what happened and how did you deal with it?

Love & Peace ya’ll xoxo

Summer has truly been in full swing this year, with record-breaking weather and a heatwave to rival 1976. With such extreme temperatures seen this year so far (who remembers the Beast from the East?), seasonal maintenance is essential for landlords.

Specialist Landlord Insurance provider Just Landlords understands how important it is for property owners to fix small issues now, to prevent them becoming bigger – and more expensive – problems in the future.

During this rather parched summer, Just Landlords has highlighted the seasonal maintenance tasks that all investors should aim to complete before the cold weather hits us once more. By ticking off these jobs, your property will be in the best position possible to deal with the difficulties that both autumn and winter can pose.

Conduct a periodic inspection

The very first thing you should do this summer, if you haven’t already, is to undertake another periodic inspection of your property. These visits should be made every quarter for new tenancies, or bi-annually for those you feel confident in.

After you have arranged a suitable time to meet your tenants at the property, make sure to check the conditions against the initial inventory report. This highlights any changes that either you or your tenants must make. Then, make sure you ask your tenants if they’ve noticed anything that needs dealing with; they may not want to email you about such issues, but feel they can raise them in person.

After making these checks, finish up with an inspection report that details what you and your tenant must complete before your next visit. This sets out your expectations as a landlord and informs the tenant of your commitment to maintaining the property.

Please note: If you use a reputable letting agent, they will typically complete these checks for you and provide you with a comprehensive report afterwards.


Look out for damage caused by hot weather

We usually think of winter being the devil that destroys our homes, but summer can be equally as devastating on a property, especially with the sky-high temperatures we’ve recently experienced. On your property visits, it’s wise to take extra care in looking out for damage caused by these extreme conditions.

Cases of subsidence, for example, are known to increase during hot, dry weather. This can drastically affect the state of your property, as it causes the foundations of the home to become unstable. Look out for new cracks in the walls, particularly around weak spots (doors and windows) or an extension.

At the same time, make sure that your landlord insurance covers you for subsidence, as its effects can be long-term.


Set your expectations for the garden

The garden, too, may be another area that has suffered at the hands of the sun in recent weeks. While it may just be a case of waiting for the rain to bring it back to life, your tenants must understand their responsibilities relating to gardening.

In your inspection report, make sure to include a section on the garden, stating the condition it is in and how it must be maintained before winter. It is essential that the grass, plants and shrubs are cut back before the cold weather arrives, to keep it looking clear and tidy.

An overgrown garden can invite unwanted pests to your premises, as well as making it difficult to get the property back to a lettable condition when your tenants move out. Inform them that you will be checking the state of the outside space on your next inspection.


Look at windows and doors

The summer provides a fantastic opportunity to do some work on the outside of your property, especially if your tenants are going on holiday and the home is empty. Two of the most prominent areas to focus on are the windows and doors.

You must ensure that they all open and close properly, while inspecting the window putty on the outside of glass panes. It’s also a good idea to apply lubricating oil to hinges and replace any draught excluders that are worn out.

You may need to get a contractor in to complete some repairs, such as removing rotten wood, but this will be worth it in the long-run, as your property will be in the best condition possible to weather the winter storm.


Check your roof and chimney

If you’re not comfortable with heights, you may also need to hire a contractor to complete a thorough check of your roof and chimney. Again, summer is the perfect time to conduct this work.

A good tradesperson will clean any leaves or debris from the area and check for signs of cracking or leakage around roof flashings. You should also have any loose or fallen tiles replaced or fixed more firmly, to keep the roof strong over the winter.

Sorting out these minor issues will prevent larger problems forming during the cold weather, so it’s worth arranging this work sooner, rather than later.

Take the opportunities that this summer is giving you to get outside and complete these seasonal maintenance tasks on your property – your tenants will definitely thank you, and so will your finances over the long-term!

At our latest LendInvest Property Development Academy, we surveyed our aspiring developers to find out what they saw having the greatest effect on house prices in the next five years.

Lets see what we found out.

Almost half, (40%) of our attendees regarded national economic growth has having the greatest impact, while only a quarter of our respondents, (24%) believe political developments such as further elections and impending Brexit will affect house price growth the most.

This is an interesting result, with popular media opinion regularly tying the hopes of our housing market to the nation’s looming break from Europe.

So why could our developers be taking this view? Well, we have been treading the uncertain waters of a Brexit mired market for some time now, and despite various setbacks in the negotiation process, the housing market is yet to take a significant dive.

A shortage in supply of housing was the biggest concern affecting house prices for only a fifth (20%) of the developers we surveyed, while 16% of those surveyed cited the construction of new infrastructure such as the new HS2 and Crossrail lines as the key influencing factor.

Our Director of Development Finance, Steve Larkin commented on the results, noting that, It is great to see that the next generation of SME housebuilders are so confident about prospects for the housing market in the medium term. Typically, we might expect to see more scepticism or concern surrounding the impact of Brexit on the market. Likewise, shortage of supply is the conventional culprit for pushing house prices up.

“Naturally we must wait to see how the economic and political developments of the next year or two unfold. But for now, it’s encouraging to see these aspiring developers taking such a fresh perspective on the market they’re entering.”

The next LendInvest Property Development Academy will be held in our offices on Friday 5 October. To learn more visit our academy website.

We’re encroaching the end of May.

The last time I blogged was in the middle of Feb.

Welcome back everyone!

I’m pleased to say that many new faces have joined the landlord club since I last got down, so they’re about to get deflowered (but sadly, many will never be seen or felt again, because they didn’t quite realise they subscribed to… well, me!).

So, anyways, you know how some times- for months on end- falling asleep is infinitely more appealing than prolonging unconsciousness to “service” your long-term spouse, because going through the same old exhausted routine seems unbearable? I think that’s what kind of happened with my relationship with blogging. It all kind of went to stale shit.

I genuinely wasn’t sure when or how I’d rekindle the flame. But ya’know, it’s funny how destiny works, because all it took was one unwanted text message from my dick-face tenant to put me back on track…

So here we are! Reunited.

My tenant wants a dog (even though there’s a ‘no pet’ policy in play)…

Hi Landlord. Do you mind if I get a small dog? I promise I’ll take care of it, and it won’t cause any problems. I love this house too much to ruin it.

Thanks for asking, but… URGH! (*&*!!@!*(&!!!

Landlord's no pet policy

  • My black-hearted tenant is sabotaging our peaceful and harmonious relationship by paying zero respect to the T&C’s of the tenancy agreement (the same one that was agreed upon and signed) by attempting to overthrow the “No pet” policy.
  • The property was marketed as being NOT pet-friendly! As per routine, my advert description contained an entire section on how all animals are magical and mystical creatures, but they’re wholly unwelcome in the particular property being offered.
  • Now I’m going to look like the bad guy for tossing my tenant’s request in the bin like a used diaphragm, all because I’m sticking to the deal. The nerve of this guy makes me sick to the ball-sacks!
  • Now I’m going to have to be on full alert like an abandoned and malnourished gazelle, because I wouldn’t put it past my inconsiderate tenant to sneak Snowball in through the back doors.
  • What annoys me the most is that my tenant got a little shirty with ME and seemed bewildered for rejecting his request, even though – I’m going to say it again – I’m sticking to the deal! Un-dicking-believable! *slaps forehead*
  • I doubt it will happen, but my tenant could leverage his position [of being a long-term and faithful tenant with a super nice and fair landlord] and call my bluff, believing that I wouldn’t dispose of his carcass onto the streets even if he proceeded with getting Snowball.

    It’s a bet he could possibly win.

    Screw him and my girly weakness :/

On a side note, it’s amusing that whenever a tenant tries to negotiate a pass for a dog in the middle of a no-pet tenancy (which commonly happens), it’s always *small* and *too cute*, almost like they’re implying that I consciously chose to enforce a “no pet policy” because I was completely oblivious to the fact that small and cute dogs exist.

I know they exist, motherfucker. I also know the little-bitty one’s are the worst kind; they take twice as many dumps, they smell like old peoples’ homes (urine and cabbage), and they’re horny as fuck.

I actually have no idea if any of that is true, but it works with my narrative.

What’s my legal position if my tenant gets an authorised dog/pet?

Well, I could, of course, refuse the continuation of the tenancy at the end of the fixed term by serving a Section 21 notice and claim mandatory repossession. That would probably be the quickest and cleanest solution in my current circumstance since the end date isn’t all that far away.

That would teach my tenant. And Snowball, the flea-infested wrecking-ball!

The second (and messier) option is to try and use the breach of the “no pet” clause as a ground for eviction (specially ground 12, “Any obligation of the tenancy (other than one related to the payment of rent) has been broken or not performed.”).

Serving the Section 8 notice alone is usually enough to scare most tenants into either vacating or making Poodle-soup, and it’s a feasible option if the tenancy’s fixed end-date is in the distant future.

However, going down the section 8 route may not always work in the landlord’s favour if the tenant isn’t a total pussy and is therefore willing to drag the case to court. My understanding is, a landlord can only enforce a ‘no pet’ clause if it is reasonable/fair to do so, which largely depends on the type of pet in question. For example, a landlord will be with in his rights to refuse a large dog, especially in a small property. However, refusing a dinky little fish might be deemed “unfair”, and I doubt any sane Judge would nod the eviction through, despite the no-pet clause.

Either way, I’m not saying that repossession/eviction is the best, fairest or most practical solution, I’m just sharing what I believe the legal recall could be, just in case you’re in the dog-shitting predicament.

Why I’m not a pet-friendly landlord…

No! Wait!

That’s an irrelevant question, because the point is I made my ‘no pet’ policy clear from the beginning. That’s why my tenant’s request felt like a stab in the heart.

I thought he was different.

If I say I hate Brussels sprouts, don’t invite me around for dinner and sneak a couple of ‘sprouts into your hideous hot-pot concoction hoping I don’t notice. Believe you me, I’ll notice, and it’s your plumbing that will suffer.

YOU heartless dog hating piss-ant, you have no soul. I WILL DESTROY YOU. And your dress sense is shit.

Alright, let’s just all calm down.

I know how emotionally charged people get over their pets, especially dog owners, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m on the receiving end of an earful. So perhaps I should provide some clarity on my actual position when it comes to animals and pets, because it may save some of you from wasting time on crafting together a scathing and personal attack. But probably not.

I’m not an animal lover per’se, but I do appreciate and respect dogs (and every other living creature). I *probably* wouldn’t ever own a dog myself, because I lack the time and patience, and to be frank, the idea of dog hair moulting all over the place, especially on my alligator rug – which is the centrepiece of my game’s room – is debilitating.

However, on the other hand, I’m massively aware and supportive of animal rights, and can’t stomach animal cruelty of any form. Even obscenely irritating buzzing flies get guided out through an open window in my house, despite how tempting it is to smack them into an oblivion with my 10 foot pecker.

Should you accept/allow your tenant to have a dog?

Meh, it’s up to you.

I honestly don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, because there’s legitimate pros and cons for both sides of the coin. However, if you’re anything like me – a lazy twit that does everything and anything to avoid headaches – you’d be better off nipping the idea of being pet-friendly in the butt from the get-go.

My rational for refusing pets is the same as why I don’t provide furnished property. It just means one less thing that can go tits-up. That’s all it is.

Is it discrimination to refuse pets?


Does a bear rinse its ass in a bidet?


Coincidentally, a couple of days ago, a hippy do-gooder (no offence if you’re reading this, Maxine) left a comment in my ‘landlord & pets guide’ blog post, with a link to a petition on, titled “Stop discrimination towards tenants with pets and children!”

She said nothing else. Just posted the link. Efficient like an assassin.

If you’re all for the cause, then all the power to you- sign the thing (at the time of writing this blog post, there’s an uninspiring 620 signatures, so hopefully this extra exposure gives it the kick up the ass it needs). I’m not against the petition; it’s for a noble cause, no doubt. However, I wouldn’t touch it with yours.

BUT, WAIT!! How can you say you’re massively aware and supportive of animal rights, and then refuse your tenant the right to have a dog, you contradicting rat-weasel?

*shrugs shoulders* Probably, just like how I think homelessness is one of the sadist realities of mankind, but I wouldn’t invite a tramp to live with me. I’ll toss a few coins into The Salvation Army bucket, though.

I do appreciate the problem, and I do sympathise; a lot of good pet-owners get shafted by their evil counterparts. But at the same time I’ve had one too many bad experiences with pet-owners, and I believe I have the right to limit my risks.

But at the end of the day, MY TENANT AGREED TO THE T&C’S! I didn’t move the goal posts.. HE DID! So start a petition against him and every other goal-post moving asshole!!

If you are pet-friendly or considering it…

If you’re game, or in the midst of contemplation, here are a few nuggets to wrap your noggin around:

  • If you’re providing a furnished property, you may want to bear in mind that dogs love chewing, cats love scratching, and both love humping and spunking over inanimate objects.
  • Pet-friendly landlords are often in limited supply, so there’s opportunity to offset the risk by charging above the standard market rate. Like I said, most pet-owners are bat-shit crazy about their pets, so they’ll stump up the extra required.

    But be fair with it!

  • Demand a bigger tenancy deposit than normal, at least 1.5 x rent. You’ll probably need it at the end of the tenancy.
  • You can include a mandatory non-refundable deposit to cover the cost of professional cleaning [to scrape faeces out from under the freezer] at the end of the tenancy.
  • Throwing together a solid property inventory is always advisable, but it’s non-negotiable if your tenant comes shackled with a fuzz-ball or two.
  • Have a [fair] pet policy that tenants should adhere to.
  • You should be doing this regardless, but on the off chance that you’re a bit of a wally, you may need this gentle reminder to retrieve references from the tenant’s previous landlords (if they have one, that is).
  • In similar vain to the point above… don’t forget your regular property inspections.

    If Lassy is chewing up your carpets, you’ll probably want to know about it sooner rather than later.

  • I strongly believe that a dog is only as well-behaved as its owner. So if the dog’s a pissing-idiot, then its owner probably is, too. That’s why it’s cool to meet both owner and pet before making any decisions. Judge for yourself.
  • Whatever the animal in question, do your own research on the breed, including their genetic personality and behavioural characteristics.
  • If you have a leasehold BTL, check the T&C’s of the lease, because some state that animals are prohibited from residing at the property.
  • Consider the size of your property and the practicality of the space available. If you’re letting a shoebox flat, it would be cruel to even consider allowing a dog to reside in there. So, arguably, there is a ethical element to consider.
  • It’s no secret, I’m a gigantic advocate of 6 month tenancy agreements for new tenancies (and then permanently allowing it remain a periodic tenancy) – I think all landlords/tenants should initially strike up a 6 month deal to “see how it goes”, especially if fluffy creatures are involved.

    That way, if tits go up and skirting boards get chewed to smithereens, landlords can at least end the tenancy on mandatory grounds pretty quickly without too much fuss.

  • Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured into accepting pets if you’re not comfortable with it.

    Be warned, sob stories from tenants are commonly plentiful in order to sneak pets into the vicinity i.e. my mother is terminally ill, she can’t looked after her dog anymore.

    Yeah, really? I want to see a doctors note.

    Rely on common sense and your gut instinct. If those lack, it’s probably safer just to refuse pets without thinking too hard about it.

  • Take into consideration the lifestyle of the tenants; if they’re going to be at work all day (and/or night), bear in mind the dog/pet will most likely be left at home during that time. You do the maths!

So yeah, how about my tenant, aye? What a dick-face for putting me that position 🙂

Now, I await with excitement, to hear about your tenant and pet related experiences and disasters. Ideally, I’d like to hear a story that involves an unauthorised Great Dane and excrement the size of dinosaurs. That would be pretty awesome.

Love & peace xoxo

P.s A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu.

I’m laughing.

There’s a lot of talk within the industry at this time of year surrounding student property. If you’re looking to find new student tenants for your investment, we have some top tips from specialist Landlord Insurance provider Just Landlords.

Although you may have missed the boat for the beginning of this academic year, all student landlords will know that the search for a new place to live begins around December/January time for tenants. This means that, at the end of this year/beginning of next year, students will be looking for a new rental property for the academic year starting September 2019.

Whether you’re a new student investor or are already letting a property to this type of tenant, Just Landlords has some advice on how to find new occupants for your investment in time for 2019:


Promote your property early

Unlike other types of tenant, students tend to start looking for a rental property months before they plan to move in. This means that, not too long after moving into their accommodation for this year, they’ll be looking at places to live next year.

As a landlord, you need to bear this in mind when marketing your property – be very clear that the accommodation is only available from September 2019, but be sure to have it available for enquiries from at least the beginning of next year.


Market through major portals

Students are likely to be renting a property for the very first time when they move to university, and won’t know as much about the process as other, seasoned tenants. What they will know, however, are the names of the top property portals where they can find homes to rent – Rightmove, Zoopla, etc.

If you are looking at where to market your property, have these major brands in mind, as students are more likely to be familiar with them and will begin their searches there. Reputable letting agents will usually promote your properties through these sites.


Keep photos up to date

Students are becoming increasingly selective about the types of property that they’re willing to move into; the more contemporary and luxurious, the better. Although you may not have the swankiest property to offer, you can paint it in the best light possible with up to date pictures.

Before marketing your property for the 2019 academic year, review the photos you currently have and decide if you need to take some new, more professional ones. If you do, Christmas time (while your current tenants are back home for the holidays) is an ideal opportunity.


Be available for viewings

Throughout the process of securing new student tenants, you must remember the type of renter that you’re targeting, which applies to arranging property viewings. Students live more flexible lives than young professionals, for example, so will be available at completely different times of the day.

As the landlord, you should ensure that you, too, are available for viewings during these times – you don’t want to miss out on reliable tenants because you weren’t around to meet them. A letting agent can do this for you if you use one.


Offer inclusive rent

One of the top requirements from student tenants when searching for a new rental home is the option to pay the rent inclusive of all bills. Offering this is a sure-fire way of attracting interest in your property, especially if you get in early by promoting your accommodation to those who like to stay organised.

This can also benefit you as the landlord, as tenants who only have one monthly payment to make for their property are more likely to stay on top of those payments and get them to you on time.

Although September 2019 might be quite a way off yet, student landlords will know the struggle of trying to get their properties let at the last minute – make like your tenants by securing a let early!

Full disclaimer: this read will be totally useless for the vast majority of you lords that are fully operational, because ya’ll be far too advanced for this prep-talk. So feel free to take your love-interest behind the bike sheds and skive off for the day. Enjoy. And think of me!

However, if you happen to be reading this while emptying your bowels and in the market for some light reading, or if you happen to tumble into my world because you’re in the process of converting your home into a rentable pad, then this could be useful.

Don’t be a cowboy landlord like my dip-shit friend

Easy Landlording

Sadly, it was Kevin, my haphazard friend – who evidently doesn’t know his ass from his elbow – that prompted me to share this remarkable tale of tragic negligence.

But it’s not all doom and gloom, because the buffoon’s antics has provided me with inspiration and blogging material, both of which I’ve recently been in short supply of. Not to mention the fact that his sublime stupidity is a great showcase for learning. We win!

So, yes, thanks for being a useless cock-face, Kevin! You’re the best dumb-ass friend a dried-up blogger could ever wish for.

Due to personal circumstances, Kevin vacated his residential flat so he could launch it onto the letting market, but he did so with a metaphorical “FUCK YOU!” sign attached around his pecker – he pretty much swerved every step required to make the process legitimate/sensible.

In some ways I admired his “screw the world. And your momma” attitude. I wish I was the type of woman that could feel at ease resting a cup-of-anything on a table without a coaster, instead of being a anxious and hyperventilating pussy all the time.

I’m not exaggerating when I say Kevin bypassed *almost* every step in my “Do the following before renting out your home” checklist…

What you should do before renting out your home…

  • 1) Check your lease
    In Kevin’s case, he is the leaseholder of his flat.

    Some leases don’t permit sub-letting, which means letting is not permitted.

    Did he check his lease? HA!

  • 2) Notify mortgage lender
    Since Kevin didn’t bother notifying his mortgage lender of the change in circumstances, the assumption is that he’s still on a residential mortgage, as opposed to a buy-to-let mortgage.

    Breach of terms, check!

  • 3) Update building insurance policy so it’s appropriate for landlords
    If he hasn’t contacted his lender, you can bet your nutsacks on the fact he didn’t update his insurance policy.

    Almost all mortgage lenders require the appropriate insurance policy to be in place, otherwise…

    Breach of terms, check!

  • 4) Check if you need a license
    Some local authorities require landlords to comply with the selective licensing scheme, which requires landlords to acquire a license before they’re able to let their property.

    Of course, Kevin didn’t even bother checking. In fact, he didn’t even realise “landlord licensing” was a thing.

    Fortunately, his local authority doesn’t require landlords to obtain one (I retrospectively checked). However, that’s not the point.

  • 5) Ensure minimum Energy Efficiency rating is achieved
    Since October 2015, landlords in England are required to show prospective tenants a valid Energy Performance Certificate (EPC). Moreover, since April 2018, landlords have been required to achieve a minimum rating of E.

    I may as well be talking in Mandarin, because Kevin has no idea what I’m talking about right now.

  • 6) Check if your property is gas safe
    Every rental property should ideally always be ‘gas safe’, but it certainly should be before new tenants move in, hence the legal requirement of a landlord gas safe check.

    When Kevin, the numpty, was quizzed about the gas safety check, his response was, “I checked, the boiler works fine”

    Oh, right. Well, that’s just brilliant!

  • 7) Declaring rental income
    Obviously – and I use the word “obviously” extremely hesitantly – rental income is subject to taxation, and can also influence any Government funded benefits, so it should always be declared.

    I probably need to be careful with how I phrase this point, because I’m not sure how these things work. Maybe you do…

    Hypothetically, if I know someone that is potentially partaking in fraudulent activity, do I automatically become an accomplice if I don’t report it to the correct authorities? Or do I just become perceptible to being labelled a “treasonous cockroach”? If it’s only the latter, that’s cool. I can live with that.

    Ok, so let’s just say that Kevin is in receivership of disability allowance on legitimate grounds, but let’s also say Kevin is hypothetically convinced that he doesn’t need to declare his newly found source of income because he’s currently not making any net-profit from it.

    Well, that would just be plain stupid, and probably fraudulent. Fucking moron, hypothetically speaking.

  • 8) Comply with Smoke and Carbon Monoxide alarm Regulation
    Credit where credit due. Kevin didn’t actually trip over this hurdle. Nice one, Kev!

    However, I suspect this win was due to shear fluke, as opposed to intent, because most people have fire alarms in their homes.

    In any case, I’m going to cover the Smoke and Carbon Monoxide alarm Regulation for the sake of making this a more complete checklist.

    While I’m absolutely sure Kevin didn’t have any inclination of what his fire safety responsibilities are, he is legally required to have at least one smoke alarm installed on every storey of his rental property which is used as living accommodation, and have a carbon monoxide alarm in any room used as living accommodation where solid fuel appliances are contained.

What a spectacular display of the upmost disregard for being a sensible landlord (minus the fluke ‘smoke alarm’ win), right?

Clearly, he just woke up one day, brushed the crust out of eyes, and said to himself, “I’m going to be a landlord”, without much more thought about it. Literally.

Sadly, the industry is full of ’em.

From the mindset of an impartial bystander, I hope they all get what they deserve.

If it wasn’t for my friendship with Kevin (which I’m now compelled to say was formed by circumstance, not by choice), I’d probably piss myself laughing until I sober up and remember that he’s the reason landlords are assholes. So instead, I’ll just piss myself laughing until I sober up and remember that he’s the reason landlords are assholes.

Please note, the above failures don’t account for all the landlord legal obligations, they just cover what all good normal landlords – at least, those in England – should check before renting out their residential home.

Have you got a friend? If so, tell me why they’re a 24-carat tosser!

Love & peace xoxo

Never trust tenants

Bit of a no-brainer, but I’ll share my story anyways, because it’s cool to emphasise the importance of staying true to the rules of thumb now and then.

Today the penny finally dropped. I’ve conceded to the humiliating fact that my snake-oil tenant pulled the wool over my – what evidently seems to be – stupid and useless eyes.

Hook, line and sinker! I fell for the promises B.S she fed me during the viewing.

Reality dawned upon me late last night, when I received a text message from my tenant, reporting a “broken door”

Naturally, I shat my pants wondering which idiot did what to the door, so I launched an onslaught of questions in an attempt to encourage her to do what she should have done in the first place – provide me with an explanation of the actual problem, as opposed to a namby-pamby statement, which really, meant absolutely nothing at all.

Nope, during the viewing my tenant didn’t promise me that her ‘problem reporting’ skills were impeccable. If she had done, that would have been two pieces of shit she fed me, and I’d rather top myself than accept the fact that she outmanoeuvred me twice. I’ll get onto what she actually lied to me in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.

After what felt like a life-time of exchanges, the mist finally cleared; what my tenant was actually trying to tell me is that the living room’s door handle had become stiff, and she wanted me to make it… unstiff.

*Slaps forehead*


Rewind back to the viewing…

So, onto the baloney-pie she fed me during the viewing:

My dad is a painter & decorator.

My mum is a painter and decorator.

My cousin is a builder.

My cousin’s cousin is a builder.

My uncle is a spanner.

My brother is a hammer.

My nan is a spirit level.

I come from a long line of highly skilled tradesmen and tools.

I have building and decorating in my blood.

I am building and decorating.

So, the good thing about me is, that if any general DIY needs doing, I’ve got it covered. I won’t need to bother you.

Well, hump me sideways. For someone that has DIY so deeply ingrained in their blood, getting stumped by a stiff door handle is just bat-shit crazy. And annoying.

Here, try this, you lying sack of potatoes:


I should have known earlier!

As said, I should have realised something smelt fishy long ago. I guess my pride and gigantic ego didn’t want to admit failure.

The stiff door handle issue was just one of several primitive problems reported over the last couple of years. I should have known the moment she was perplexed by the light-bulb that needed replacing in the cooker’s extractor hood. Then after that, came a feature-wall she erected in the living room, which looked like it had been painted by a newborn donkey.

Now, I’m not saying I chose my tenant for her [non-existent] connections (because I didn’t), but it would have been nice if her claims materialised, because at the very least, it could have reduced the amount of time I waste on the niggling little problems… that slowly make you want to lose the will to live.


*Deep breathes*

If she had those handy connections it would have been a bonus, and I’m not going to lie, it was a minor factor I did bear in mind when choosing tenants. I’m just bored of dealing with dumb maintenance issues that I get notified of (which I really, really, really shouldn’t), like squeaky hinges, wonky bog-roll holders, and replacing light-bulbs. So anyone that offers me a glimmer of hope of at least minimising those issues, gets rewarded with a slight boost in preference.

She must have seen the desperation when I started foaming around the mouth as she gave me hope. She could probably tell I had dealt with one too many shoddy paint-jobs, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

She took advantage, she said exactly what I wanted to hear, so I ended up believing what I wanted to believe.

Either way, I shouldn’t have paid any attention to her unsubstantiated claims. That was my mistake, and it was such a rookie mistake, too. I should whack that bottle of WD40 down my gullet for being so incompetent.

To clarify, I don’t want any tenant or their relatives to attempt any real D.I.Y issues, because that’s a wonderful recipe for disaster. However, I do expect them to have the initiative to squirt a little grease on a handle when required. No self-respecting landlord wants to get dragged out of bed to deal with that nonsense, or even worse, pay someone else to deal with it!

Fortunately, I hedged my bets, because the factors that really mattered, like, a good salary, impeccable references, seemingly decent personal hygiene, and a steady job, were all in play.

But yeah, other than the fact she pulled my pants down with the whole “I’m Mrs DIY” crap, she’s an absolutely wonderful tenant! No complaints.

Landlording 101

Never believe the shit tenants tell you during a viewing (and vice versa).

And if you do, hedge your bets.

In my case the end result wasn’t too bad, because in the grand scheme of things, I didn’t hang my hopes on a factor overly fundamental. But you can see the potential in how devastating it can be if landlords blindly believe in unsubstantiated claims during viewings.

Always question what you’re told, and don’t believe anything without evidence!

In order to make me feel less futile, can you please tell me about a time when your tenant or landlord pulled the wool over your hazy eyes? Merci beaucoup xoxo

We’re sure our developers would agree – with each new project, comes a wealth of new experience. And while no two projects are the same, there are identifiable stages that can make the difference between coming in on time and budget… or running into problems. 

Meet Peter and Melvin:

We caught up with two property entrepreneurs who’ve recently completed projects funded by LendInvest to discover their top tips for keeping on track during any development project. 

Peter is no stranger to the property business. For 28 years he worked in construction; starting out as a surveyor before going on to look after high-end, fit-out properties. We’ve visited him before on one of his past projects in Broadstairs, Kent and so far he has completed 21 units over 3 sites.

For Melvin, having usually concentrated on projects requiring just light refurbishment, he decided, with enough experience behind him, to turn his hand to ground-up builds. In his latest project, he took on a large bungalow with planning permission for it to be demolished and replaced with two, four bedroom homes. 

Peter and Melvin’s top tips:

So how have Peter and Melvin mitigated against the dangers of running into difficulty during their projects? 

‘Set up a budget and stick to it’

Peter stresses the importance of setting up a budget before your project begins and sticking to it throughout the duration of the build. Iterations on the design or specifications of your project are likely to be costly at this stage so he stresses the importance of being ‘100% clear’ on these decisions before commencing your project. Making significant changes to the design of a property mid-way through a project is one of the most common factors that cause developers extra expense, he affirms. Melvin agrees – ‘set a realistic budget, not an optimistic one’.

‘Time is money’

‘Always try to keep to your schedules – time is money’, says Melvin.

Alongside budget, comes the importance of proper scheduling. Without it, your project is likely to over-run and that in turn will leave you out of pocket.

‘Paperwork needs to be up to date at all times’

It may sound insignificant, but the importance of keeping up to date with health and safety paperwork is highly important. As Melvin comments, ‘you’d be surprised at how far behind you can get’. If it’s not maintained, it could land you in serious problems, jeopardising your current project as well as the ability for you to secure funding for later property developments going forward.


Without the best people working alongside you, the vision you have for your project will be unattainable. This is particularly important when choosing suppliers and subcontractors. Peter highly values the relationships between all stakeholders of a development project and advises:

‘create an environment that’s safe and that all involved are proud to be a part of’.

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